🔥 What Really Happens Behind the Scenes When We Deregulate — and How We Come Back Stronger

This weekend’s incident with one of my players — being asked to leave the pitch because emotion took over — reminded me of something deeper:

Most people only see the behaviour.
Very few understand the battle happening beneath it.

When a player deregulates, there’s far more going on internally than a “bad attitude” or a “poor reaction.”
Here’s what’s really happening beneath the surface — in sport and in life:

🧠 1. The Brain Goes Into Survival Mode

A bad tackle… an unfair decision… a moment that feels threatening or unjust.
In those seconds, the brain doesn’t see sport — it sees threat.
The emotional brain (the amygdala) fires first, and performance brains shut down.
Decision-making narrows, tension rises, judgment fades.

This is why emotion feels overwhelming:
the brain is trying to protect you, not perform.

🔄 2. The Body Follows the Brain

Heart rate spikes.
Breathing shortens.
Muscles tighten.
Thoughts race.

You’re not choosing anger — your physiology is driving it.

🎯 3. The Inner Game Starts With Awareness

When my player came off, those 90 seconds on the sideline weren’t punishment.
They were a reset button.

This is where the Inner Game methods kick in:
• Naming the emotion
• Slowing the breath
• Widening awareness
• Resetting posture
• Reframing the moment

This is the real training ground — not the pitch.

💡 4. Emotional Regulation isn’t about “calming down”

It’s about taking back leadership of yourself.
It’s recognising:
• “My emotion is valid.”
• “But is it helping me?”
• “Can I use this energy, or do I need to shift it?”

Once he regulated, he returned to the game not just composed —
but more effective than before.

🔥 5. Adversity Isn’t the Problem — Our Response Is

Every athlete, leader, professional, and young person will face adversity.
Mistakes, pressure, unfairness, setbacks… they’re part of the journey.
The difference between progress and stagnation is whether we’re driven by reaction or guided by intention.

Emotion is not the enemy.
Untrained emotion is.

This player didn’t just get back on the pitch —
he learned something far more important than any tactic or technique:

💬 “I can feel anger, frustration, or pressure…
and still choose the next action consciously.”

That’s The Inner Game.
That’s where long-term high performance begins.
That’s where resilience is built.
And that’s the work most people never see.